See the Rearview Mirror

I don't know what to say now. All of the things that i do just to pretend that i never know and assumed that is nothing happen. And maybe this make me feel the pain of remember it. I hope i have the delete button in my life, so i could delete some memories that i never want it. And one of the most important button is refresh, refresh my minds for everthing that have happened in my life.

Sometimes when i was driving car or motorcycle, when i want to sleep, and even in my dreams those memories keep coming to my mind and make me review it again and again about all of the things in the past. I can't imagine that all of those had already in the past. I do really begging to God to give me a chance to fix it. To fix everything or change something. I always wondering that it will never happen, and i can stop the time or i hope i can review some moments that i want. But all of that just impossible to happen. I just pretend that I don't know anything. I closed my eyes, my ears, my feelings, my mind, my brain, my desire and everything, just to make my self calm down and think positively, even i know about it. I just pretend that i'm happy and act like i don't feel guilty. The facts are i feel so guilty, feel the pain because even if i dreaming or remembering about it thousand times, i will never rewind the time and come back to that time and the most important thing, i never ever can delete all of those things from my mind.

Oh God, please make me stop keep remembering it, i wanna do my life better, i will never repeat my mistakes again, i will do my best in my life. This the biggest lesson that life teaches me.

I hope i can become a better person from now on.

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